If I was telling someone about myself a year ago, this is how I would describe me:
I believe in Jesus. I’m in my early 30’s. I am a happily married, stay-at-home mom of three beautiful children. I have my master’s degree in human resources. I love to run. I am an anxious person, but I’m a work-in-progress. I’m not particularly outdoorsy; that is, I marvel at God’s creation, but I don’t like bugs, waking up in dewy grass, or anything that involves “roughing it”. I am a home-body; I tend to get homesick…even on vacation. I love to cook when I am prepared to do so. My favorite season is spring; my favorite color is green. I care greatly about what others think of me and I tend to be a very private person. I write better than I speak, but in general, I enjoy communicating with others. I am an extremely honest person; I like to think it is because it is a great quality of mine, but likely it has more to do with my anxiety and my concern about what others think of me. (Hey, just being honest here.) I have a dry sense of humor. I can be very, very sarcastic–perhaps to a fault. I have a great deal of empathy towards others. I love God, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and my life.
Today, most of these things are still true. However, my husband and I had our lives turned upside down in the fall of 2011 when our oldest child, Reece, was diagnosed with a life-threatening, pre-cancerous condition. He passed away in July 2012 from complications of a stem cell transplant. And the reality is, the process of his transplant and him passing away has changed our lives forever. I would still say that the above things are true. But if you ask me today how I would describe myself I would say:
I love Jesus and desperately need Him. I love my husband and my kids and yearn for the day we can all be together again. I want to figure out my life’s purpose and then be called Home. I know my life has a purpose and it is ultimately to glorify the Lord. I know God loves me and I want to live a life that demonstrates that love toward others. I miss Reece. Every day hurts because of Reece’s passing; many days I feel pretty good, but every day has some form of hurt. I believe that the depth of hurt and loss is purposeful and it reminds me that this is not our permanent home. I no longer worry much about what others think of me; I care about others, but very little about their judgments of me, my family, or my faith. This reality has been one of the most freeing experiences in my life-to-date. In losing Reece, I learned more about God, his love for Reece, his love for me and my family, and his plan for my life than the previous 32 years combined. I love God, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and my life.