I have been contemplating writing about what has been going on in my life and my family for the better part of the last three weeks. I’m sure many people who read this blog already know this, but for those of you who do not, my husband, Terry, passed away on April 15. To avoid speculation, I want to be clear that it was sudden, no one had any real clue that he was struggling the way he was, and that he did take his own life. Things seemed fairly normal on the surface. We had a great weekend in the days preceding this. Everything, for the most part, seemed fine.
I would like to be clear about where I am at today with my thoughts on Terry. I have a lot of respect for my husband. He is a wonderful father and was a loving husband. I love him. I know he was doing his best to protect us from many things that I am ultimately dealing with now. I have no anger about what he did in regard to the pain he must have been in. I feel only tenderness towards him in that way. Our marriage was strong and committed, he was doing well at work, and he has always been a great dad. People that know him are heartbroken. He truly seems like the least likely person to do something like this. Most importantly I’m grateful that Terry knows and loves the Lord. He’s with Jesus and Reece and while part of me feels very left out of that reunion right now, I do take comfort in knowing that he is a healed man.
The last three weeks have been a whirlwind. I am recognizing all of the things Terry was shouldering, including his own difficulties in coping with the loss of Reece. Some of the things I was moderately aware of, but much of it I was not. If you have never met me, this may come as a surprise, but I am actually a very private person. I honestly can not believe that so many people know about my life. And yet here I stand in this vulnerable place, somewhat willing to share at least a portion of my own struggle, with the hope that people may be able to be helped by my sharing and understand that through it all, the Lord has been and continues to be good. I have struggled with whether or not I should share the nature of Terry’s passing. I don’t want people to only think of him in that way. For all the wonderful things he added to this world, he ought not be remembered for or defined by the final day he walked the earth. After much contemplation, I decided that I don’t want to dance around it with people. I don’t want to hide under some lie. There are many things that I will keep private, but I can not avoid what he ultimately chose to do. Because here I am, dealing with it every single moment of my life.
So many people have asked how they can help. Certainly, we need prayers. We’ve had a lot of people offer to help with the kids and with meals and around the house…all sorts of very generous things. Outside of the hands-on items and because of the nature of Terry’s passing, one of the major burdens on me is financial. There were financial burdens that I was not aware of in the first place and now, there are even more financial burdens without Terry here. Soon there will be a “How to Help” page added to the blog that will be maintained by a close family friend. Yes, I will be going back to work. Yes, I will be figuring this out with the assistance of people I trust. And yes, there are good things in store for the kids and for me. Somehow, in some way, I know I was built to handle this. However, it won’t be without help from the Lord, my family and friends, and countless people I only briefly know or have never even met.
Thank-you for all of your support; it is a gift to my family and me. I am truly humbled through all of this. It has been life-changing to be in the center of a storm and see the way God works and how He has surrounded us. There will be more to come, but I wanted to put this out there so that people understand what happened. Life feels raw, but somewhere deep inside of me, I still feel hope.
I’m am friends with Sarah Hosfield Naranjo, and when I heard your story, I have been praying for you since then. Know that you are in my prayers daily.
Terry, you have been prayed for every day since I heard. I have found myself in tears over the struggles you’ve had to endure these past few years. I am so thankful that you have the trust of the Lord in your everyday life. I am so thankful you know Terry and Reece are with the Lord, pain free, without a doubt. Please know I am also willing to help in other ways. If you are in town, need a place for the kids (My kids would love to play), a walk, etc. We are here and around daily. I know your parents are with you too so if they need help at their home I am willing and great at mowing, watering, etc.
My mom lost her parents in the same way Terry was taken from you. As a kid it was tough for her and I am sure in ways I can’t even understand but I do know my mom had many of her family step up, she too had to disclose things/ask for things maybe she didn’t prefer to and persevered with God’s help. Stay strong in HIM.
I host a women’s prayer group on Monday nights, and you and your family are first priority tonight.
Psalms 42:7,8:
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
My heart breaks for all the struggles you and your family have had to go through. Always know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your posts and our private IMs were instrumental in getting me through Rudy’s health crisis and reawakening my faith in God. I can’t be there in person but if there is anything I can do from apart please let me know.
Thank you for sharing this very honest place of where you are. I constantly wonder how you are handling
this and praying for God to help you. I am so grateful you have hope. Jesus is our Hope.
This is a beautiful tribute, Terri. I lost a wonderful co-worker under similar circumstances this same time of year, just 2 years ago. His daughter did some research and found that this time of year seems to be hard for certain people – I don’t know if it’s helpful to know that. Thank you for sharing and allowing us the opportunity to help and to hold you and your family up in prayer. Even before I heard about this, you were in our thoughts – Brian recently pulled out the video from the VBS where you taught the kids a cheer – maybe you remember. Words seem so inadequate right now. You are in our prayers – may God sustain you. Andrea
So sorry. I will be praying for you and will pass on your story.
Terri – I just wanted to drop a line to let you know that I’m praying for you, your family, and your amazing strength to endure. Reading your story is so heartbreaking, but also helps to deliver the perspective we all need at times to remember to be thankful for whatever craziness is going on in our own lives.
I wanted to let you know that I too believe you will get through this and that you are not alone. I have felt the loss of my father to suicide and while the sadness hasn’t gone away I have been able to experience happiness again as well. Take care and take it easy x
Terri, I am so so sorry for your losses. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers always. You now have two amazing angels watching over you and your children.
Terri, I don’t think you know me unless you were in the book club at Marva’s. I’am facing the fact that my husband has a terminal illness and it will be a matter of time when he to will pass. I understand your loss. You are not a lone. I believe God and all his angles are watching over you and your family. Remember the footprints in the sand when life gets tough God will is there and will carry you. My sincere sympathy and may God bless you with hope, serenity, courage and most of all peace. I will Pray for you and your family.
Sincerely,
Wendy Spitzack
Terri,
I admire your strength! God is using you for his glory! I too have lost a child and can honestly relate to the idea of not wanting to be here any more. The thought of being with The Lord and with my son seems so much more than what this earth brings. I would love to meet you someday as you are an encouragement to me! You are in my heart all day and I am praying for you and your family. Hang tight to His promises and soon we will be in paradise with our savior!
Dear Terri,
You post today touches me beyond words. You are a woman of grace and I know your faith will help in your healing. For the short few months I worked withTerry, I saw he was a special man and I will miss him as a colleague and friend. You and your children are in my prayers. Know that you are not alone.
Karen
Dear Terri,
Your post touches me beyond words. You are a woman of strength and I know your faith will help in your healing.
For the short few months I had the opportunity to work with Terry, I saw he was a very special man. I will miss him very much as a colleague and a friend.
Your words are a beautiful tribute to him. You and your children and other family are in my prayers. Know that you are not alone.
Take care – Karen
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you hope and hugs.
Terri, my heart aches for you and your family. I used to work with Terry at Frontier. He was a wonderful man and was so proud of you and your children. My prayers that you will be comforted by The Lord Jesus Christ. I don’t know why you have suffered so much, but know that God has a plan for you. Terry and Reese are together in the arms of our Savior and you will be reunited some day with them.
Terri, this is the first I’m learning of your loss of Terry. I am so sorry. I am heartened to read you close your message with “hope.” “Hope lifts up those who are burdened with sorrow and carries them to a place of peace.” Take good care of yourself. I hope you find ongoing strength, love, and support from your faith, family, and friends in the weeks and months to come.
I lost a beloved brother to suicide. Awaiting “How to Help.”
— Know your dad